The third day

This was a day of mixed emotions. It wasn't all hard, but there were difficult moments. Sleep was a little better for everyone (compared to the night before) except for me. 

The first wake up was from a very quiet and sleepy Ella, who I noticed standing next to my bed around 3:30 a.m. She had to go pee, and then wanted me to stay with her in her room. I snuck back to my bed about 20 minutes later and then Maya got up at 5:30 and came over (not so quietly as her sister) to my side of the bed. When I walked her back to her bed, she threw Pinky dog in protest, and then Ella was up too. I lay with them both for a few minutes and then said that I was going back to my bed until morning and they didn't have to sleep, but they had to stay in their room. They could use their flashlights to look at books or get some stuffed animals to play with if they didn't want to sleep.

After that, I lay awake in my bed, watching the flashes of light dance around the walls from their room, and listening to their conversations progress from sleepy and sad, to bright and full of imagination. 

Ella: "I can't find my pacifier!" 

Maya: "We don't have pacifiers anymore. So we just have to use our flashlights."

Ella: "Oh, okay. Can I try yours?"

Maya: "Okay!"

They played and talked together until coming out at 6:08 a.m, (their clock turns yellow at 6:03 a.m., signifying that it's okay to get up) very cheerful and in full swing, pretending that their flashlights, doggies and blankets were sailing down a river.

Sisters and friends.

Brett and I had a difficult morning. We weren't sure what we were doing. Were we continuing on without pacifiers? Should we give them back for nap time and nights? Were we doing the right thing? Brett needed a plan and I needed to talk about why we were doing what we were doing. Eventually we agreed that we should stick with the no pacifiers for another day, and try to make a nap happen as best we could.

Selena came over after breakfast and that was incredibly helpful. I took a shower. Brett and I talked some more and Selena stayed and played until nap time. We were able to get the girls to fall asleep, Maya by nursing and Ella by listening to Brett read a story very slowly for a long time. 

Silly faces!

Eating tomatoes from the garden.

Hugs!

Playing in the river together. 

The water was cold! But Maya and Ella didn't mind.

Cuddles.

I am exhausted. This process has been more draining on me than I anticipated. I also haven't slept much in a few days. Brett was really great tonight with the girls while I rested. He did bedtime while I went out to a cafe, and he reports that they went to sleep fairly easily. It's possible we are past the worst of this transition. I'm still struggling to feel okay about it, though. I wish that I felt strongly that we were doing the best thing, but I just don't. I miss the comfort and security that the pacifiers gave my girls. I want that back.