The third day

This was a day of mixed emotions. It wasn't all hard, but there were difficult moments. Sleep was a little better for everyone (compared to the night before) except for me. 

The first wake up was from a very quiet and sleepy Ella, who I noticed standing next to my bed around 3:30 a.m. She had to go pee, and then wanted me to stay with her in her room. I snuck back to my bed about 20 minutes later and then Maya got up at 5:30 and came over (not so quietly as her sister) to my side of the bed. When I walked her back to her bed, she threw Pinky dog in protest, and then Ella was up too. I lay with them both for a few minutes and then said that I was going back to my bed until morning and they didn't have to sleep, but they had to stay in their room. They could use their flashlights to look at books or get some stuffed animals to play with if they didn't want to sleep.

After that, I lay awake in my bed, watching the flashes of light dance around the walls from their room, and listening to their conversations progress from sleepy and sad, to bright and full of imagination. 

Ella: "I can't find my pacifier!" 

Maya: "We don't have pacifiers anymore. So we just have to use our flashlights."

Ella: "Oh, okay. Can I try yours?"

Maya: "Okay!"

They played and talked together until coming out at 6:08 a.m, (their clock turns yellow at 6:03 a.m., signifying that it's okay to get up) very cheerful and in full swing, pretending that their flashlights, doggies and blankets were sailing down a river.

Sisters and friends.

Brett and I had a difficult morning. We weren't sure what we were doing. Were we continuing on without pacifiers? Should we give them back for nap time and nights? Were we doing the right thing? Brett needed a plan and I needed to talk about why we were doing what we were doing. Eventually we agreed that we should stick with the no pacifiers for another day, and try to make a nap happen as best we could.

Selena came over after breakfast and that was incredibly helpful. I took a shower. Brett and I talked some more and Selena stayed and played until nap time. We were able to get the girls to fall asleep, Maya by nursing and Ella by listening to Brett read a story very slowly for a long time. 

Silly faces!

Eating tomatoes from the garden.

Hugs!

Playing in the river together. 

The water was cold! But Maya and Ella didn't mind.

Cuddles.

I am exhausted. This process has been more draining on me than I anticipated. I also haven't slept much in a few days. Brett was really great tonight with the girls while I rested. He did bedtime while I went out to a cafe, and he reports that they went to sleep fairly easily. It's possible we are past the worst of this transition. I'm still struggling to feel okay about it, though. I wish that I felt strongly that we were doing the best thing, but I just don't. I miss the comfort and security that the pacifiers gave my girls. I want that back.

The second day

We lived through the second day without pacifiers, but it wasn't easy on any of us. There was no nap again today. The lack of napping has been the most challenging part of this. If they were fine without it that would be different, but Maya and Ella really still need a nap. Around noon (if not earlier), they just lose control of themselves because they are so incredibly tired! Maya's volume control goes out the window. Ella bursts into tears at the littlest things. They both basically turn into loud little inconsolable messes. I'm thinking a long car ride around nap time is in the cards for tomorrow.

We were this close to forgetting the whole thing and giving the pacifiers back today. I really wanted to. I wanted them to be able to rest! I wanted to be able to rest. Later in the day, after Brett got back from the grocery store, I did take a short nap while he was with the girls. I also talked to Amber, which helped me feel a little better.

The hardest part of the day for me was in the late afternoon, when Ella lost it because she had wanted me to walk with her down the stairs, but Brett had held her hand instead. It wasn't really about the stairs. We lay in her room together for about 20 minutes. I held her when she wanted to be held and listened to her cry and be so sad. It was hard to stay calm and comforting, and to not start crying myself. She just REALLY missed her pacifiers. It was evident in her body language. She kept putting fingers in and around her mouth, reaching for pacifiers in her bed that aren't there, etc. When Brett said, "You really miss your pacifiers, don't you?" she just bawled for several minutes straight.

Maya went to sleep tonight easily. She listened to the books and then just turned over and went to sleep without a word. She was exhausted. She just goes and goes until she finally stops. She had some tough moments today, but really she's handling it well. The saddest thing for me to see is her rejecting her doggie. She had such a strong pacifier/doggie association that she doesn't seem to want Pinky dog for comfort.

I stayed with Ella for a while longer and read her another book ("Katy No-pocket", a current favorite from the library, and from my childhood). After that she requested another book and I suggested a song instead, which she agreed to after I told her which song I was thinking of. As I started to sing, she finally held her body still and I watched her eyes slowly close as she looked at me, her hand holding tight around fingers. I sang "The Marvelous Little Toy" two times through, and then she was asleep.

I'm not convinced we did the right thing in taking away the pacifiers. Maybe we should have just enforced a strict only-for-nap-and-night-time-use policy. We still could I guess...

Maya and Ella have been playing together so well during this change. They played pretend airplane on our bed all on their own for a long time this morning while Brett and I made breakfast.

Breakfast, eating in "high chairs".

Some singing and guitar playing after breakfast.

Ella woke up only once last night and went easily back to sleep after I tucked her back into bed.

Maya, didn't sleep so well. She was up around 1:30 in the morning saying that she couldn't find her pacifier (which she then quickly changed to Doggie) which I found for her under the blanket. After that, she woke up a bunch of other times. She and I didn't get a lot more sleep.

Beautiful girls. I hope you sleep well tonight.

The rest of the day

Well, it's done. The pacifiers are gone. 

There was no nap today, though not for lack of trying. There were fewer tears than I anticipated and both girls were very strong and brave about the whole thing, even when they were exhausted in the later part of the day from not taking a nap. 

Decorating the package for the pacifiers.

We wrote a few little notes to include in the package, dictated by the girls.

Lots of tape.

Putting the box out on the porch for the mail.

They both dealt with the change in their own way. Ella didn't mention it with words at all, just with disappointed looks when she came back from checking her bedroom for pacifiers (this happened multiple times throughout the day, mostly at transition times) as she is so used to doing for a little down time.  Maya was more vocal about her disappointment, letting us know that, "If I don't have my pacifier, I won't go to sleep!" and "I want my pacifier RIGHT NOW!!" When the loud demands and threats didn't work, she experimented with sucking on her fingers and thumb, though I don't think it was very satisfying for her.

Bedtime was early, but took a while. Brett read a lot of books while the girls flopped around on their beds and couldn't settle in their overtired state. The books did seem to calm Ella some, but I think it was hard for her with her sister's constant movement nearby. I lay with them after that and they both nursed a little. Maya fell asleep first, finally becoming so tired that she just flumped down on her pillow (which she'd moved to the end of the bed) and that was it. I hummed to Ella for a while after that and kept reminding her to lay still and she finally did. 

I'm taking the whole thing as hard as they are. It's just so sad to see them struggle. I love that the pacifiers gave them so much comfort, and taking them away feels awful to me in that respect. I am trying to remind myself that it's for the best and that in the long run it's such a little thing. But in the moment, it feels like we are doing such a terrible thing, taking away a little kids' comfort.

Maybe tomorrow will be easier.

Pretending to be babies with pacifiers in the crib for the last time this morning.

Maya.

Ella.

Maya and Pinky dog making pancakes for breakfast.

Later this morning, we went to Bread Euphoria and got a small cake to celebrate. 

Yum.

Mmm!

Swinging at the park after cake.

Bye-bye pacifiers

Pacifiers. We've had a good run. To say the attachment has grown strong is an understatement. Maya and Ella LOVE their pacifiers. They suck on them, they snuggle them, they play pretend with them and make them dance and talk. Sometimes Ella holds one by her nose while sucking another, while holding yet another with her foot. 

Brett and I have known for a while that it's time to be done. We've tried lessening pacifier use, banishing the pacifier to be only used in the bedroom and for nap and bedtime. Those things have mostly made the pacifiers a battle and even more wanted. 

A recent visit to the dentist confirmed what I had noticed for a while, that Maya's teeth are being affected by the pacifier. Ella's teeth on the other hand, don't seem to be bothered. It's hard for me to not feel bad for Ella because she's the one with the stronger attachment (though I really couldn't tell you who is going to have the hardest time once we take the pacifiers away, Maya or Ella). If her sister's teeth weren't affected by the sucking, we probably wouldn't do this right now. But, taking away pacifiers for one girl and not the other is just not an option.

So, we've all talked about it. After breakfast today, the pacifiers will all be collected and put in a box that the girls are excited to decorate. After the box is all decorated and packaged up, we will be mailing it to the hospital for the "new babies to use". That's the plan. We'll see how it goes...

Well, time for me to join the rest of my family for peach pancakes, and the last morning of pacifiers at the breakfast table. I don't anticipate an easy next few days. Wish us luck! 

The last of the twos

Maya and Ella, you are finally asleep. What a fun-filled day we had! Tomorrow you will wake up as three-year-olds. I love the people you have become during your first years of life, and I am excited to watch you continue to change and grow. Happy almost-birthday my darlings!

Morning Lego play with Uncle Guy.

We made Ella's cake and decorated it with sprinkles.

After that, some of us had to wash off outside.

Grandma Kathy came over in the evening to stay while I picked up Grandma and Papa from the airport. Beautiful flowers from Grandpa Craig!

Presents ready and waiting to be found in the morning. 

Baseball

Today is Brett's last baseball game of the season. He's had a lot of fun playing in the over-30 league this summer. Maya and Ella will continue to play catch with him to keep him in shape for next year!

A tired day

It's nap time here. Today is one of those just tired days. I even took a short nap.

The rest of my family is still asleep.

Maya asleep in our bed.

Ella asleep in her bed.

Brett asleep on the couch.

The first of August

I've decided to start a new blog! I am excited to have a fresh space to share the many noteworthy moments in our daily life. I am envisioning this blog to be more of a free-flow, personal journal type of format. Hopefully updated frequently, with lots of pictures.

You can still find my older blogs, which I may or may not update at some point in the future. To read about the twins' first few years go here. And looking back to 2010, you can check out our cross country bicycle trip. Thanks for reading!

I came across this picture recently. It was taken by Selena back in August 2007. Many happy moments (including two beautiful daughters) and seven years later, we're still smiling together.