Pacifier update

Maya and Ella have had their pacifiers back since Monday night, for sleep times only. It's been working out great. There is part of me that didn't like going back, simply because I don't like going back on things, but really, I have no regrets.

Playing together in the morning, tucking animals in.

Monday was one of the worst days we've had in a long time. The girls truly seemed unhappy. They were a mess. Their behavior was mean, unpredictable, and they were so, so, tried. Brett and I couldn't get ourselves to feel sure that we had made the right choice. As the day progressed, it became more and more clear that by taking away the pacifiers completely, we had done the wrong thing for our family. And by family, I'm not just talking about Maya and Ella; Brett and I were having a very hard time.

The motivation for taking the pacifiers away was mainly based on what the dentist said about Maya's teeth. But, the more that I read about pacifiers and their effect on teeth, the more I felt that we had made a hasty decision. The only other thing that bothered us about the girls still using pacifiers was that they would drop them around the house and try to talk while sucking on them. But, that part could easily be changed by limiting their use.

Sometimes I get excited about an idea and once it gets in my head, I just go for it without thinking it completely through. We hadn't really weighed all the possibilities of how this change could effect us. We talked about taking the pacifiers away a little before taking the plunge, but not enough to fully flush out the possible feelings we'd have, or the behavior changes we'd encounter in the girls. Turns out that it's very hard to feel right about a choice you've made when you don't feel sure it's the right thing to do.

When I told Brett that I thought we had done the wrong thing, it came out that he had already taken four of the pacifiers out and set them aside in case we changed our minds. I found two little boxes to keep the pacifiers in and at bedtime that night we told the girls that a few of the pacifiers had come back because the babies thought that Maya and Ella could still use them for sleep times. We went over the rules and everyone listened and agreed. Oh the joy and pure happiness that followed! As we went to get the boxes, Maya's first thought was, "I'm going to go get my doggie!!" followed by an excited dash for the living room to find her. And Ella wanted to know, "Did they send back the soft pacifier?" When she opened her box and found it in there, no words were needed for the answer. Just a head nod and a smile.

A few moments later, when we were snuggled up reading bedtime stories, Maya asked me, "How did the babies know that we still needed them?!" I said, "Well, they must be smart babies." Maya thought about that for a moment and then said, "I bet their Mamas' told them!" Ella just sucked on her pacifier behind a huge smile.

Most people that I spoke with about what we were going through these past few days, said that it would only be a rough couple of days, and then the pacifiers would be forgotten and things would go back to normal. Maybe they were right, but we'll never know for sure. I do know that we all do things differently and that there's no right way for everyone.  Sometimes you've just got to do what you feel is best. So, for now, the pacifiers stay. I'm sure the girls won't use them forever. In the meantime, I will try to remind myself that I’m meeting my daughters' needs for soothing now, and when they're ready, they'll move on.

Tuesday was one of the best days in a long time. The girls greeted us with smiles in the morning (pacifiers where left safely in their boxes) and everyone was so happy and nice to be around. I spent a long time swimming in the river by myself while the girls took a long nap. If nothing else, this whole experience really brought Brett and me closer together as partners and parents, which really is worth a lot.

The time I spent down by the water was mostly collecting sand from the middle of the river and bringing it over to our beach! It's so fun to have sand to dig in!

Taken down by the river.

There will still be hard times. On Wednesday morning Ella struggled with leaving pacifiers in her room, and Maya had a difficult moment later in the day when she went into her room and really wished she could have a pacifier. Brett and I stayed firm and the struggles were short-lived. I've been working on reminding the girls that it's okay to look forward to things that you can't have right now. That seems to help when they are upset.

And I feel much more able to deal with the girls being upset about only having the pacifiers for night and naps than I did about them being gone altogether. It's much easier to stay consistent about something that you feel strongly about.

The only worry that I still have is about Maya's teeth. She has such a strong suck (and always has) when she is using the pacifier, and that is likely what is contributing to the change in her teeth. Hopefully, going forward and using it only a little bit for night and nap time (it usually falls out of her mouth once she's asleep anyway) there won't be much more effect on her teeth.

A few other moments from this past week:

This groundhog made good work of our garden. Almost all of our broccoli was eaten, along with the tops of our carrots, some chard and a few Brussels sprout leaves.

Finding a way to play together when only one girl will fit in the boat at a time.

Ella and Dada swimming in the river.

Making pretend cakes.

And getting messy.

And cleaning up. 

We were happy to see Uncle Timmy again on Wednesday. 

We had a visit from Uncle Guy, too!

Maya on her bike.

Ella on her bike.